21 October 2014

In which I deploy BIG NUTS

Bella was invited to an epic best-friend-hay-ride-bonfire-sleepover birthday party last weekend. You know what that means. It means little sister is left with plenty of alone time to consider how she is Dissatisfied With Her Terrible Difficult Boring Life.

But I am a little sister myself so I don't hesitate to deploy the big guns in little sisterly solidarity.

Or should I say I deployed THE BIG NUTS?

Buckle up, we're makin' NUT ROLLS! OH Yeah!! Who needs a best-friend-hay-ride-bonfire-sleepover birthday party? Not us!

Making Nutrolls

She's into it. Little nut roll buddy.

Step one. Find a recipe on the internet. There are only a couple to chose from. Nut rolls not as popular as they deserve, obviously.

Step two. Make the filling (SPOILER ALERT this filling sucks). Boil sugar syrup until hard ball stage. Takes a while. Be prepared to shoo your sad little helper away MANY. TIMES.

So far, great, right? Great.

Making Nutrolls

Then you whip some egg whites up, and then drizzle the hot syrup in there. Heeeeeeeeyyyyyy wait a minute. Wait one cotton picking minute. I have totally done this before. Isn't this how you make MARSHMALLOWS?

Making Nutrolls

Well shit. I hate making marshmallows. Because you know what I use if I know I am making effing MARSHMALLOWS?? This $1.19 container of marshmallow fluff. BOOM. I just saved you an hour. for goodness sake.

Making Nutrolls

Well anyway it's too late for me now. What's fluffed is fluffed. On with the nut rolls.

So the filling, as laid out in the crappy recipe I'm using, is a gloppy mess. After Mimi and I are both covered in marshmallow goo, I decide to add a couple cups of powdered sugar to try to salvage it. After that it works pretty great. I get excited and throw in the tub of marshmallow fluff. Then more sugar.

YEEHAW!! NOW WE'RE COOKIN' WITH GAS!

Making Nutrolls

This next part, there are no pictures. Because I got burning hot caramel on my camera. Moving on.

You just smear some melted/burning hot caramel over the tube of filling goo, then roll it in peanuts. We tried both dry roasted and cocktail peanuts, and I'd recommend either but I slightly prefer the cocktail peanuts.

Making Nutrolls

Actually you know what makes an awesome nut roll? Cashews.

But anyway. These turned out pretty awesome.

Making Nutrolls

Mimi approved!

Making Nutrolls

So I guess I should put in a recipe, so you too can get addicted to nut rolls. And don't try to satisfy your cravings with Pearson's nut rolls. Those are just a sad substitute for these.

Salted Nut Rolls
makes about 20

7 oz marshmallow creme
2 cups powdered sugar
11 ounces caramel
1 jar peanuts

Just look at that ingredients list! There is nothing to it!

With a mixer, mix marshmallow creme and powdered sugar until it is sort of stiffish, like a minute or so.  Maybe add some vanilla--that would be awesome. Form into little logs. Melt the caramel (I used Kraft caramels). Smear the caramel with the back of a spoon or something onto the little logs, both sides and ends, being careful not to get any on your camera or fingers because it is super burning hot. Then roll in peanuts. Tah Dah! Dee-licious.

Making Nutrolls


26 September 2014

Minnesota Adventure: Renaissance Festi-pit

Do you like my wee little wenches?

Renaissance Festival 2014

I think they look like Cinderella's mice.

I finished sewing the little corsets at about 2 am. Because I only had all year to finish them. Why not the night before?

I will tell you why not. Because there is no 24-hour grommet setter tool store.

Renaissance Festival 2014

I had bought grommets, of course. This isn't my first corseted rodeo. PUH-LEASE.

And I have a grommet setter. I have THREE grommet setters. But were any of them the right size?

PUH-LEASE.

Renaissance Festival 2014

Guess who saves the day? Brent of course. He went out first thing in the morning to the (non-24 hour) grommet store.

After the grommets were finally all hammered into place and the corsets were laced and the super cute pictures were taken, we are finally off to the Renaissance Festival!

Or as I like to call it, the Renaissance Festi-pit.

The Renaissance Festival is now an island in the middle of Ye Olde Gravel Pit. Because we don't need parking! We don't need park and rides! You're all just teleporting here, right? Oh you're not? Well you can just go fuck yourself. Huzzah!

The parking and getting to the gate was a freakish nightmare of epic proportions. My only advice is to take a xanax, hike up your wench skirt, and enjoy the 30 minute walk.

Renaissance Festival 2014

And have a refreshing pickle once you are in the gate!

Renaissance Festival 2014

We eat lunch while enjoying our favorite entertainer: flaming ladder juggler guy!

Renaissance Festival 2014

The girls can wait NOT ONE MINUTE LONGER to visit their favorite spot: Fairy Wing Forest. We head down that way.

Renaissance Festival 2014

There is a lovely satyr in the forest.

Renaissance Festival 2014

We sit down to watch the show.

Renaissance Festival 2014

These are the ducks who waddle around during the show.

Renaissance Festival 2014

And there are bunnies to pet!

Renaissance Festival 2014

This lady dances with this hedgehog held up above her head. I wonder what on earth he is thinking while she does that? don'tbarfdon'tbarfdon'tbarf

Renaissance Festival 2014

You know where they should put this show? About half way through Ye Olde Gravel Pit! You are almost there! Let us distract you with this adorable hedgehog!

We bought this forest fairy's CD and the girls listen to it every night while they go to sleep.

Renaissance Festival 2014

Do you want to be a fairy, always gay and always merry!

And here's Brent, speaking of always gay and always merry.

Renaissance Festival 2014

And me in my Scottish wench garb. It's warm so I've taken my tartan off and looped it around my purse strap.

Renaissance Festival 2014

After the show, we hike through the rest of the forest.

Little Bella, looking so happy and confident.

Renaissance Festival 2014

Renaissance Festival 2014

Then we get the highly-anticipated florentine ices that the girls love.  And here is where I realize I should have sewed them florentine ice colored outfits.

Renaissance Festival 2014

Florentine ice explosion!

Renaissance Festival 2014

Notice Mimi's skirt in this picture:

Renaissance Festival 2014

If you dare to have an outfit on her that touches her stomach, she will push it down under her belly. We call it the Mimi lap-over. I kept trying to fix her skirt for the pictures and she kept frowning at me, "LAP. OVER."

Hey look! I bet they teleported here!

Renaissance Festival 2014

We go to say hello to the mermaids.

Renaissance Festival 2014

It is adorable.

Renaissance Festival 2014

Bella is hungry and asks for pot roast. Ummmmm....?

Renaissance Festival 2014

But look what I spot as we're walking around? POT ROAST sandwich! The girls wolf it down.

Renaissance Festival 2014

Two thumbs up!

Renaissance Festival 2014

Then I'm waiting in line for some hard cider and I overhear two women behind me talking ABOUT ME. oh my gosh oh my gosh OH MY GOSH. They are saying how I'm the one woman's exact type. And they like my red hair.

And then this happened.

Woman 1: "Small boobs, though."
Woman 2: "Yeah. Small boobs."

Still one of the best moments of my life.

At about 5 o'clock, it starts to rain, so we head out--stopping only to load up on nut rolls--for our 30 minute walk around Ye Old Gravel Pit. By the time we get to the car we are absolutely soaked through.

And so ends our sweet and tiring day at the Renaissance Festi-pit! Huzzah!

06 September 2014

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